Unit 9 project (Greg): final adjustments.

After submitting the first draft of my project at the ned of last term, I was mainly given feedback this week on what my tutor thought of both my pieces of work plus areas to edit them in order to perfect them even more.

(Unit 9 3.1/3.2)- Whilst showing my tutor my article, he commented that he liked the use of dramatic language such as ‘intoxicating’ and especially the use of what my pull-quotes had to offer with their hard hitting words. Whilst looking over these aspects, he seemed to be quite stunned at the last quote discussing the way some game types expect you to be obsessed with it due to the monthly charge to keep playing it. This only just made me realise how much all the hidden areas and details of such a wide topic could just show the real extent of it- which I only just saw once I read through it more deeply and also because I only focused on separate areas bit by bit when writing it but reading it all there in one piece really showed me and my tutor the level and extent of how digital media has taken over and taken its toll on many people too.

Improvements for the article mainly consisted of rewording sentences to add some more drama into them as the article went on, minor sentence structure errors and my tutor even suggested adding an extra short paragraph at the end as a conclusion or other way of showing ‘the writer’s view’ and a way of possibly answering the question to my article’s headline and overall theme. This idea did make me a but two-sided on it since an this kind of article wouldn’t really have the writer/journalist’s view in it. But I did take note on how articles from the indy100 does use first person language depending on the topic so I decided to write the final paragraph of my article using first person language to make the article sound like I had an view of my own and make it  a little more hard hitting plus engage the reader- all in respond to my tutor’s feedback.

(Unit 9 2.2)- Here is the final draft of my article I have edited:

unit-9-article-submission

Is our relationship with digital technology healthy?

Social media and the latest gaming updates means digital technology has become an irresistible part of my generation’s everyday lives to the point of obsession.

The increasing advancements in gaming technology and access to social media platforms means that our generation has never been so obsessed, with teenagers the most likely to become intoxicated.

According to one study, the use of social media feeds a variety of emotions from anxiety to pleasure. This study also showed that the demanding pressure to keep up with the endless 24/7 activity on social media results in anxiety through the fear of missing out on any little moment.

People use it to gain self-worth and confidence as a substitute for not having real achievements or purpose in their life.

-Anonymous Facebook user.

This data reveals that the ratio of anxiety to pleasure supports a 3:1 ratio with those under 40 to be more anxiety driven.

Based on a recent survey of 25 people, 16% of the total respondents spend 5 hours a day or more using social media. 100% of these people own a social media account with 36% owning four or more.

From loneliness, poor social skills and, in extreme cases, becoming frightened to open the front door, social media obsession poses the threat of developing other mental health problems in later life.

In addition to these damaging consequences, Anna Almendrala for the Huffington post commented:

Peer influence is kind of agnostic; it can be a good thing, it can be a potentially bad thing.

Like social media, video games have also seen cases of obsession increasing each year.

Given the access from home consoles, smartphones, portable devices and endless technical advancements, it’s no surprise that we are seeing this disturbing trend.

Despite no single contributing factor for gaming obsession being the case, the appeal of a fantasy setting and ‘levelling up’ experiences are two of many reasons for gaming obsession with evidence concluding that role playing games hold one of the greatest obsession potentials.

Obviously with casual games you run out of lives or you finish the level but with MMO (massively multiplayer online) or RPGs (role playing games) there’s no segment where it’s like ‘you’ve done this.

– Anonymous gamer 1

You’re supposed to invest in it and that whole monthly charge means they need you to be obsessed with the game in order to keep playing it.“

– Anonymous gamer 2

With the way digital technology has evolved and advanced overtime, I think it’s fair to say that we are a generation who simply cannot survive without our Facebook, twitter and precious video games. How can we call this a healthy relationship?

(Unit 9 3.1/3.2)- With my second format, which was my four photos, I showed them to my tutor for feedback and after showing him them, he commented that it would be an idea to find some form of link between them and my article. This was where he mentioned the isolation and ‘I must not miss out’ aspect of digital media obsession and asked me if there was a way I could incorporate that into any of my photos. I did believe that the photo with all the social media activity quotes on it could be a clear indicator  to the target audience and also the one with my three class members sitting in a row all on their phones. However, after thinking about it, the purpose of the photo format was for the audience to form their own personal view on my theme and the ‘I must not miss out’ meaning may not be acknowledged this way. But looking at all four photos, I personally believe they all show this meaning in their own ways whether it’s the endless activity on social media or having all gadgets and games scattered carelessly around to avoid missing what they have to offer the obsessed person. Because of this, I have decided not to change any of my photos because I don’t really want to imply a very specific meaning that covers only one area of this vast theme. In addition to this, I want the audience to still ask questions for themselves and form their own views on it.

My tutor also gave me a suggestion relating to my own view within my writing. This was to write an article of my project production, mainly with the article writing and photography with more use of my views and opinions to see just how my own perspectives can change the overall tone of my work and possibly even open up new areas to consider researching for next time and carry on into my Final Major Project.

Here is my article:

During my unit 9 project I knew that, first and foremost, photography was a format I insisted on doing. The other was an article, creating the ideal balance of formal information and the photos allowing room for the audience’s own perspectives on a theme. This theme was  obsession with digital media focusing on social media and gaming. At first, I wasn’t to enthusiastic about my theme as I found it to be a very common-sounding topic but soon after researching just how much this obsession covers, it gave me a hundred ideas of what my photos could feature and what meaning they could carry- although that part was the audience’s decision. Being able to invent new photo ideas aside from my sketched ideas, I recieved even more ideas of how to show the extent of this obsession can have. Having my plans of all the gadgets for one photo being neatly arranged changed to another person’s of them being carelessly scattered around showed me the truly different perspectives people can have of the same theme. In this case, surrounding the treatment of the gadgets too.

Producing the article was a little more challenging but was made easier since I had my photos as a starting point. I had written it in the style of an existing online newspaper which I did find limit the opportunity to use some of ‘the writer’s’ (my own) views. I always find this kind of obstacle in any journalistic writing a force of habit since I have more often than not come across any pieces which only outline the news in its unique style. It was only after in which I realised I could use the first person language to my advantage when adding in my opinions- especially at the end conclusion. Whilst producing my evaluation and this article for that matter, I had to accept that regardless of the existing style of an news piece or any written piece, the writer’s views should be heard no matter how big or small, strong or simple. If the writer didn’t have any opinions on the topic, why is he/she even writing about it?

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Unit 9 project (Greg): final adjustments.

2 thoughts on “Unit 9 project (Greg): final adjustments.

  1. Excellent reflections and evaluation on your work and working process: insights into thoughts and ideas and how they can change as we develop projects: good to keep in mind for the FMP; ideas and aims can develop and change the more we explore, prod and discuss with others. It is very important to reflect on feedback as you have shown in this response.

    Excellent work.

    Like

  2. From your article:
    who says the following: “People use it to gain self-worth and confidence as a substitute for not having real achievements or purpose in their life.” ???
    MMO or RPGs – what are these, to the unaffiliated (i.e.. Me)

    Going forward think about word choice and tone adding to your writing
    It is visually interesting and so I pleased to see that you are taking your visual skills forward for the FMP.

    Your evaluation and summing up are very strong and show at times the voice I would have liked to have seen in the article: analytical yet reflective and passionate.

    Like

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